Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
