she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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