Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
