If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
