"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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