were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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