dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
