I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
