Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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