so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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