i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
