I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
