Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
