I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
