I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
