Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it hurts more in the daytime
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
