3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
