I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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