i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize