Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
