I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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