youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
foreskin is a definite game changer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
