im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
