New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
