we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I came so hard my ears popped.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
