By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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