My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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