I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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