I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
