Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
