if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
