I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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