and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
