Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
