it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
