I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
