we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
