Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
