I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
