My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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