I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
