Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Michael Bay diarrhea
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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