I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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