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• (616): View more from Michigan

  David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.

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• (852): View more from

  come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air

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• (561): View more from Florida

  She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.

  (315): View more from New York

  How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building

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• (707): View more from California

  You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe

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• (+52): View more from Mexico

  I think we might need a safe word for this...

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.

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