Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
