So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
