And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
