He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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