i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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