Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
