Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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