WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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