I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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