the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
