ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
