Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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