Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
