Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
