new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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