The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
