3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
