The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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