So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
