I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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