I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk is not a location!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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