your parents love me but you hate me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
