We're facebook friends in real life
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
