finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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